Computer Questions From Old People

My last post served to remind me of a few of the more humorous generation gaps that exist in today’s society. In particular, there seems to be a certain “technology” gap that delineates certain age groups.

As a web developer, I admit to being somewhat computer savvy. My peers have a decent grasp on my skill set. They know I’m the wrong guy for graphic design, programming, relational databases, or video editing.

My parents, in-laws, and others in their age range have a different understanding altogether. To them, the internet is magic. Because I “make” the internet at work everyday, I too am magic. This leads to two quite erroneous assumptions:

• I know everything about every computer on the market today
• I know everything about every device that could possibly connect to any computer.

With that in mind I present to you a list of questions inspired by actual conversations. The next time you get roped into unsuspected tech support, send them to me and I’ll handle the rest. You will be relieved from duty by:

The BMG Top 10 Computer Questions From Old People

1. How do I download things to my computer? You can start by signing up for internet service.
2. Can you fix my printer? I’m a web developer, I’m good at web pages. On a good day, with the wind behind me, I can replace an ink cartridge.
3. Can you burn this document onto a DVD? Gladly. After that let’s rent a limo and drive it across the street.
4. How do I download all of my pictures from my camera? Dammut.
5. How much will it cost for a nice color printer? If you had internet we could check.
6. I forgot my email password. I spent too much money in Vegas. Shit happens.
7. My computer crashed last Tuesday. What happened? You could have run out of memory, or a cheetah could have spilled Spanish wine and tapas directly onto the motherboard. I DON’T KNOW, I WASN’T THERE.
8. Did you get my email with the funny pictures? No, because you addressed it to 7,000 people. Congratulations, you broke the internet and made all the babies cry.
9. What does this error code mean? You were there, remember? When I didn’t invent the personal computer?
10. What’s the best kind of computer for drawing? I’m not sure. Let’s grab a pencil and paper and figure this thing out together.